Day ONE

So, here I am.. Had a really rough day yesterday - we sent e-mail back and forth, as I said - some really angry e-mail at one point - but all in all, we made peace again and asked forgiveness and accepted our limitations and had a loooong skype phonecall and looked at ALL options and in short, he knows that he could ofcourse say yeah, lets date but he also knows this would be BIG STUFF - as he put it, and to be fair, there is no need for him to make such big decisions at this point in his life - serves me right for dating a younger man!!! I'm glad though that we parted on a such a good note.. my problem has always been closure, in this case, I got a semblaince of it!!

So half the night, I had this seering pain in my leg that Kesh always says means I am unable to move forward - I had to really keep telling myself 'Connie - you have to MOVE on!!', so the pain would go away but it kept me up for a while all the same - meaning that I didn't have much sleep... This morning I have been busy all morning so I feel fine - the trouble begins when I get back to my room... I really have to make an effort to concentrate on work.. This weekend luckily I will go to Stockholm for Ruth's wedding so the weekend will be sorted (usually a difficult time as well) - although I wonder if a wedding is the best place to go after a breakup.. But who knows? People meet people at weddings.. Ruth met Andreas at a wedding herself!!

Speaking of the wedding, that was the reason we were skyping in the first place yesterday - I have had to use his credit card to book all my flights etc., and now I have to transfer the money back to him - however, due to a technicality with my bank card, I can't transfer money abroad, only within Belgium - his suggestion is that I keep the end of month appointment (made pre-breakup) and hand over the money then.. but I really hesistate to do that.. It certainly won't help me with moving on!! On the other hand I don't want to pay Western Union charges since I will be in NL during that period anyway, but I might have to do that.. (the lease on the studio expires and I will be homeless for two days - the plan is to move to NL where I have two other people that I can stay with before I proceed to the conference in Ireland)

So anyway, all in all, not a bad day so far.. I am making some breakthroughs with my project so hopefully the steam will carry me till the end of the month... I really feel fine - I wonder if I am still in shock or if the pain comes in waves or what?? Or is it the first day that is the biggest problem?? Let me hope so... fingers crossed, otherwise I'm in for some stiff will power exercises!! Ah well, on to Stockholm!!!