Belgium comes to an end

So... This afternoon I give my final presentation, and the course is over.. The immediate feeling that I have about the last two months is that for once - considering that I tend to really adapt to new places, I have lived in some sort of bubble here.. Even though I have interacted with people (classmates, the people I play volley with, etc.), looking back it is as though I did so in bubble nevertheless.. I have spent alot of time just being with myself - and even when I spoke to people it was in relation to me.. trying to get their views on stuff that related to me..

For instance, one thing that I have learnt is to give myself a break!! To go more easy on myself - all my life I have tended to be quite hard on myself but now I have come to realise that not everything is a matter or life and death - I need to relax my guard now and then.. For instance with this course I had to do this project but excuse me - I also had to travel and meet people and develop myself e-intellectually culturally, socially, etc... in the end I made a simple enough project, and the important thing is to know that I learnt what I learnt and after all, my future is not in audiovisual learning materials.. SO I decided not to stress over it!! Normally I would think this kind of attitude means I am lowering my standards or something - but really, I think it is all about balance..

Secondly, more than ever as well, I have become convinced that I want to do that PhD!! As a result I am looking SO forward to the conference on lifelong learning in Ireland because it will be such a networking opportunity!! Infact I am so driven, that I hope I can start in the next 6 months - I have prepared enough I think, and I am willing to put in the required work to accomplish it!!

In that connection, for the first time I begun to think about how this extended studying plans of mine will impact upon me starting a family - and why, or even if I want a family, and what sort of relationships I will have from now on - there tends to be a focus on the future it all means for me.. Alot of women in Europe have families later..

(continued)

So, as I was saying - women start familiesmuch later in life, and as for the risks related to having children later - those are manaegeable with the right care - and anyway, I have racial advantages.. What's more, I have recently read a book on numeracy, and discovered that we set too much by statistics without understandiing context and population - all in all, there are individual differences and advantages - such being in good health, have a positive attititude, good care, diet, etc. On that, all my worries have evaporated!!

On the subject of meeting a suitable mate, well, I have to say I am extremely optimistic about that - my experiences in Belgium have more than convinced me o fthe availability of suitable men, as well as of my own attractiveness - I don't remember receiving so much attention and admiration - albeit from a couple of undesrables but still... This optimism especially increased when I posted a profile on Match.com and got so many interesting matches sent to me just in the area around Leuven - good looking and interesting men (from reading their profiles anyway) - and so on and so forth.. This development also certainly helped me in letting Bram go - there are plenty more fish in the sea!!

One other thing that I believe gave me pause was the nature of human despair and unhapiness - people who are excluded or disapproved of, people who face personal struggles with low self esteem, addicition, childhood trauma terminal illness, loss, joblessness - some things that even seem too minute to affect anyone seriously - I guess I gained this insight through a number of books that I read during this time as well as the movies I watched.. On the other hand, I also appreciated the value of going right through your circumstance, there is always light at the end of the tunnel - facing your past or present squarely and honestly, and being brave enough to tell yourself the truth - more importantly, avoiding the habit of wishing things were different, or thinking other people have it so much better and 'why me', etc..

I'm sure I learnt alot of other things that will take time to filter through to my consciousness, but all in all, the two odd months away were very good for me. The final presentation itself went very well and the progam ended on a high note.. I look forward to further developing the skills that I gained in the program!