SURRENDERING

(Posted Four days later!)

A cousin of mine wants me to surrender to this guy that I feel almost sure has fancied me for ever, he is always fidgeting around me and has made suggestive remarks around me now and then, and a few weeks back even sent me suggestive sms. I promised my cousin I would surrender to him and go out with him if he asks me out. However, I told her I felt sure he would never ask, and today I found out that I am definitely part of the reason why: whenever the guy is anywhere near me or tries to catch my eye, I totally increase my concentration on whatever I am doing!! I completely shut him out – I mean, he is hardly going to go in for the kill if I am putting up such walls!! I now wonder if this is not cheating on my part – I guess surrendering starts with encouraging the person to ask you out in the first place – blast!! I may have to give the guy some more airtime from now on!!

The thing is this – and my cousin always asks why I don’t think I could date him – his negativity! I quite literally cannot live with it. Not only that, his general dismissiveness of all things Ugandan! Not only that, his quickness to negatively judge others – I mean as soon as a letter lands on his desk he reads it aloud and passes judgement on the font, or the short notice to some meeting, or the incorrectness of this or the uselessness of that – I mean really!! Then, on the other hand, as soon as something has an association with Europe or America, then it automatically passes. The other day he told me something that some Ugandans were proposing to him was probably worth pursuing because someone from South Africa had rung him about it… Ordinarily, without this external stamp of approval, he would have been expressing doubt about its authenticity or seriousness. Mind you I am aware that I am ALSO judging him here and maybe making unfair allegations but whatever the case, every time he picks something up and before his eyes are done sweeping over it he is pronouncing judgement, I just cringe!