I say NO, he hears maybe, or even YES! :-/

I walk out of the cinema on a balmy Sunday evening with a girl friend and as soon as I switch on the phone it starts to ring. My relaxed mood evaporates immediately as I see who it is: I am reminded of my resolution to put an end to this nonsense once and for all by the end of the day. I ignore the call and it goes to voicemail. We resume our dissection of the the newest Sex and the City Movie (II), and agree that although parts of it were over the top, it was watchable on the whole. For once I also saw why the fashion is so much a part of the SATC experience - I simply loved the outfits; and as for the furniture!!

Anyway, my friend and I had earlier agreed to swing by a trendy bar that had been open for sometime on the roof top of the building complex; as an architect, she was keen to check it out. It is fantastically expensive but we figure think we can manage a drink of water at the very least. I do not know what it looks like during the day but in the cool night air, I am struck again by the beautiful and warm decor, perfectly accessorised by the beautiful people sitting within its inviting interior. Cutting through the bar one can access the outdoor area, which is laid out with high tables and bar stools nearest the exit from the bar, and further out along the edges, lower seating with large cushions and intimate lighting. My friend is oooh-ing and ahhhh-ing as we head to the low seating; we take a minute to we gaze can see the night sky and parts of the city laid out before us through the glass atop the half wall that runs along the boundary.

After we order our drinks, I decide to check my voicemail to listen to what my latest suitor has to say. He is complaining (as usual) about finding my phone switched off. Irritation wells up within me as I remember that the day before i had told him that I would go to the 7 O'clock movie and naturally my phone would be off. I remember his only response as quipping:

"Well, I am not movie [sic] person so you are on your own," as if I was inviting him along!

The problems that I have with this one are countless. We had met at a cafe not long before, and one coffee date (where two of his friends were present for half it) and some phone calls later, I would not say that he was ringing my bell. Time had come to cut those ties. First I thought I would just make myself scarce and unavailable, but then he'd bombarded me with even more phone calls and kept trying to fit in with whatever I was doing, even driving miles out of his way to give me rides to places. I had finally decided that time had come for me to set him straight on his prospects, but so far I hadn't found quite the words. The original plan was to do it over the telephone but out of some stupid sense of fairness, now I thought I ought to tell him face to face.

You might ask yourself why I felt I had to show such consideration, and how I found myself in this mess in the first place?

Well, this is a result of a new resolution to be more open to guys that I would not normally give the time of day; this in efforts to widen my dating pool and give a chance to those people who once I got to know may be quite worth knowing after all. The game plan is to go on at least three dates - a la 'The Surrendered Single', and having given him a fair chance, decide whether or not I wanted to accept more dates. Unfortunately, although this new attitude had gotten me more dates, they have not exactly been quality dates. I could go so far as to say I attract the most unstable and clingy men imaginable; so much so that I can hardly ever last beyond the first date. These are men, who within hours of our first date (or even during), are usually swearing undying love, and are proposing marriage within the week! And the worst thing is that these are men that I would indeed not give the time of day so to give them my number, I have had to brush aside some serious reservations. After three such men, I am sincerely beginning to ask myself if I shouldn't just go back to my old ways - this hustle simply isn't worth it!

My phone rings and it is him again.

"Where are you?" he snaps - apparently angry I guess.

Holding down my irritation I reply "We are up on the roof top"

"What are you doing up there? I am in the parking lot"

"My friend and I are checking out the new bar up here. Do you want to come up?"

He hesitates for a moment and then snaps "O.k." Gosh.

I had told him the day before that I could not see him today because I had a movie date and he had said he would come by just for five minutes. My attempts to dissuade him had been fruitless so here he was (which begs the question: why he is asking me what I am doing up here?) Later I thought that it was all very well giving him his five minutes, the sooner I got this over with the better; so instead of staying out with my friend, we had agreed to part after he arrived and I could take those five minutes to let him know it was not working out.

My friend and I sip our drinks and take in our surroundings; she is still exclaiming with pleasure and I glad I brought her. We try to talk about this and the other, the movie - nothing! Knowing he was coming up to the top of the building I cannot concentrate. Finally my friend asks:

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Oh," I exclaim " would you? I think I will need some back up after all!"

I wondered what exactly he had in mind. His tone over the phone implies that he thought we had a date or something, and yet I told him I could only see him for five minutes. Which is another of his problems - the man simply does not listen to anything I say! My phone rings again, and before I can speak he asks:

"Where are you? Am I in the right bar?" Irritation.

"We are outside" I respond calmly.

"Outside? Why are you outside? Who sits outside?"

I am struck temporarily dumb. I stutter

"What? We - "

"Outside where?" he cuts in.

"Just walk through the bar - we are sitting directly opposite the door to the bar"

I look up as I say this and see him walking rapidly towards us: he comes to a stop next to our table and I introduce my friend. He shakes her hand and quickly says

"Come inside - it is nicer, and you can watch soccer"

"We are not interested in soccer" I retort "go and sit there if you like - I will be with you shortly" To hell with this!

All this time he is maintaining a strange stance - chest out, arms away from his sides, widening all over the place; I am beyond dismayed by his rude beahviour. When he has left I turn to my friend with my mouth open; she is shaking her head:

"Missy, what was that all about?"

"The rudeness!" I reply slowly, amazed.

I slump back in my seat:"I really have to get this over and done with" I think. My friend and I chat on for a while, we agree that I need to get over there and shut this down, but both of us a little afraid of the aggressiveness he has just shown. We decide to return to our original plan - I will go over and talk to him for a few minutes, then return to our date, otherwise if my friend leaves I might never be able to get rid of him (Yeah, I know, I am totally spineless about these things!) The other thing I forgot to mention is that this guy has a military background so I was probably better off not being left alone with him.

I spot him sitting by himself when I go into the bar, eyes trained on the T.V. screen. I walk up and take the stool next to him.

With one eye still on the screen he half-turns to me and says "Are you through?"

"Through with what?" I ask

"Your friend."

"What do you mean? Yesterday you said you only wanted to see me for five minutes so here I am"

"What? Why don't you finish with her and then come back"

"Because I have to take her home" I lie.

"Oh really?" He turns fully " So - I can't see you tonight?"

"But that is exactly what I told you yesterday"

"No goodnight kiss for me then?"

(I'm thinking huh?? He had been nattering on about his good night kiss since after the first date )

"Er, about that..." I say hesitantly, unsure how to proceed "uhm, that is not going to happen I'm afraid"

Puzzled he tilts his head to the side "why not?"

"We-e-ll, for a start, we have hardly been on a date, and -"

"But that is your fault - you are always too busy to see me"

"Well, that is another thing - this is simply not the time for me to start a relationship. I am getting ready to leave the country for a good length of time and this is not something that I can sustain" (taking the wuss's way out)

"Leaving the country? When?"

"Soon."

"But what has that got to do with anything?"

I abandon the wuss-ness, and decide to be truthful "Well, actually not a lot - even if I was not leaving I have known for some time that this was not working"

"What?" He hisses. He grabs my hand "Let's go outside and talk about this."

I wrench my arm away and through gritted teeth say "there is point. And anyway I have to get back to my friend". I soften "You can call me later and talk some more about it if you want. Gotta go now though." I hurry away.

"Wait," he says getting off his stool, "I will walk you both to your car then" I groan inwardly - I had not expected this - actually my friend's car is also in the parking lot so we would now have to go through the charade of getting into mine, and pretend to drive away. I just hoped he did not decide to drive out behind us.

"O.K." I say weakly.

As we walk down to the parking lot, he continues to pointedly ignore my friend, and says hardly anything to me. My friend and I chat uncomfortably until we arrive at my car.

"Right. So talk to you later?" I ask.

"Yeah, I will call you later."

My friend and I hope into my car and drive around in a circle, stop at some supermarket, get some stuff and then I drive her round to her parked car. The man for his part screeches out of the parking lot and heads in the direction of his home.

Later he calls and says that he is really speechless after what I told him; he likes me so much, he does not understand, etc., I tell him we are just not suited and it's best he forgot about me. He pleads with me to meet with him one more time, the following day, for coffee, and I am just so worn out with his begging that I agree.

The next day, I have to fit him into my busy Monday morning schedule and as I expected, our conversation accomplishes nothing beyond wasting my time and strengthening my resolve. I tell him to simply move on, he says o.k, he cannot force me to date him but can we at least be friends? I tell him that never works in my experience, he pleads with me to let him at least call me sometimes (God, the pleading just kills me) I am so exhausted by all this I say fine, whatever; only don't call ten times a day as you have been doing. We wrap that up and he rings me the minute he is back in the office (sigh...) to say again how much he likes me, I tell him he cannot be telling me he likes me if we are just going to be friends and what had we said about the frequent calls? He says oh, sorry - right. Talk to you later then. Exasperation.

To cut that long story short, he calls twice more that day, I pick his first call and ignore the second. Next day he calls and says he's had a great idea: how about before I left the country he took me to his home village to meet his Grandmother (who brought him up mind you) - I give up! Now I ignore all calls and text - maybe that way he will hear the NO more clearly!

I don't know that I will so willingly give my number to the next man that asks for it because this simply too exhausting!